I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
