anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
