a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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