I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
