Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
