so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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