who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
