First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
