I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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