don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
