his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
