theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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