I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
