Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You need Xanax blowdarts
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
