i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
