So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
