Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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