Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
