I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
