Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
