Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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