So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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