M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
