dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
