shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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