Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
