Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
