he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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