I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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