his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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