Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
