I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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