So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
