you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
