did you get engaged???
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's always time for handjobs
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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