She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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