Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
