explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
