There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
