My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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