The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
