Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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