Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
