Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
