I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
