You're completely useless in the revolution.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
