Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
