that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
