i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
