if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
